You are Brave! (Outre brav): My DNA Journey
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This is an impromptu blog post, one that I had not intended to write, until this morning. The entry below is typed, almost verbatim, as I wrote it in my journal this morning. After reading it, I hope you will decide to follow along, and encourage me, on this journey. It’s going to be scary and, quite honestly, I could use the support. I have included the link to the message that I was watching at the time, as well as the video that I was led to directly afterward.
Day One: (From my personal journal)
Today is day one of my search, actually minute one is happening right now. I’ve been talking about finding my father for at least a decade, since my mom died, but he topic has moved to the front of the conversational stove since I turned 50, about a year ago. I have been quite convincing lately, even to myself, acting as though I’m really going to do it this time. Today though, just now actually, I made a solid decision, and acted on it. It looks like I really am going to do it this time.
What was it, you ask, that made me decide, for real? It was Lisa Harper, and her black leather pants. I follow Lisa, but I haven’t watched her for a few months. So, when I turned on my set, I was utterly mesmerized, in a good way, at the sight of her standing on the stage, of Gateway Church, wearing a pair of black leather pants. She looked amazing! Still, I was shocked to see her in them, since the thought of it has often been the butt of her jokes.
I thought to myself, “If Lisa Harper , at sixthy years young, had the courage to make, yet another, bold, fear conquering move like that, then, dang it, so could I!” Just like that, the decision was made, and written down in black ink, on a tearstained page.
I haven’t had a professional mentor on this journey, other than Jesus Himself, or anyone to tell me what Christ in Real Life is supposed to be. Most of the time, I feel like I’m making it all up, as I go along; but somehow, I just keep walking. I look to Lisa a lot. Her testimony speaks volumes, and she reminds me a lot of my mom.
She asked the congregation an old familiar, question, “What would Jesus do?” But, I was asking myself, “What would Lisa do?” I mean, in reality, we had a similar situation. One day, maybe even on the day of the bagel incident, Missy would be wondering about her father, and I don’t mean the one that’s in Heaven. Hopefully, She would, or will, find the strength to verbalize all of the questions that I never asked.
My mom isn’t here anymore; so, I had to ask myself, “What would Lisa do, or say? I think that she would ask me about the real reason that I keep shrugging this off. It isn’t because I don’t want to know. I do; maybe I shouldn’t, but I do. I tell everyone that it’s because I’m afraid of what I will find, like maybe he really is a rapist, what then? How do I meet a rapist for the first time? Do we shake hands? I think it’s safe to say that hugging is out, at that point.
I am afraid, that isn’t it though. The real reason is that, like so many other things in my life, this is yet another step that I never thought I would take alone. I never thought that I would live this part of my life, or the part before it, alone. I have arrived at yet another milestone step that I had hoped, even dreamed, of taking while leaning on the arm of my spouse. I guess not starting the search was my of holding fast to the hope that something in my life, literally anything, would go the way that I had planned, the way that I had dreamed.
So, I ask myself again, WWLS? I think that she would say, emphatically, that we have to abandon ALL of our expectations when we decide to follow the call of God on our lives, not just the public ones. So, here goes nothing: Today, I lay down the last piece of who I always thought that I would be, and I fully embrace the woman that you designed me to be.
Father, make me as one of your hired servants (Luke 15:19).
#forwardprogressonly
#inthepaint2024
Recaptured by the Kindness of King Jesus | Lisa Harper | Gateway Church (youtube.com)